Wow. You asked the right guys! Being a 2 man show, we each get a 50/50 say on every thing, because we split everything down the middle. Except when it comes to the gas money. Then Tim magically transform into a tree bark smoking hippie Buddhist:

“Worry comes from want, Joe. Want not, worry not. Like me. A Buddhist. You shouldn’t want money for gas. Just let it go, yo…”

Ridiculous right? We had one of our classic blow outs the other day, which went a little something like this:

Joe: Hey dude, on the Teenager site, do you want to answer the question “What’s the best way to settle an argument?”?

Tim: GO DRINK THE GASOLINE I REFUSED TO BUY YOU AND THEN SMOKE AN OILY RAG JOE!

Joe: Fine.

And I have to say, the burn ward at St. Jude’s hospital in Chicago is top notch! All the apple sauce I can pour down my charred-blacker-than-the-ace-of-spades throat. I know what your thinking: “Joe, isn’t St. Jude’s a children’s hospital? Why are you there?”

Let’s just say being 3 feet tall has it’s perks. It’s comedic misundertandingly perks!

Could someone tell my mom I’m here? Room E113, bed B.

Thanks,

Joe

——

Dear Joe,

I was in the hospital too! Look:

I’m the cool guy on the right! You’re the guy on the left, Joe! Remember?!?!?!?

Just jogging your memory,

Tim

Nice question, bonehead.

You should ask these guys when you see ‘em:

Enjoy living in Hell.

(Just kidding! I really hope you HATE living there.)

Lovezies,

Tim

That depends, Playboy. Are you applying for a job inside one of theeeeeese?????



I eat this stuff all the time. Thick and meaty for sure. Tasty to boot. I recommend sending in a can of Dinty Moore with your picture on it instead of a resume and cover letter. That will guarantee an interview. When you go to the interview, dress very casual, flip flops if you got ‘em. Then, when you’re getting to the ‘meat’ of the interview, drop a little Dinty Moore knowledge on them to let them know you’re the man for the job*. Like so:

That dude: I see on your resume you work as a production artist. How do you think those skills will translate to this copywriter position?

You: Yo dawg. Dinty’s got fresh potatoes and carrots in every can, yo. And they don’t even charge extra!!!!

Now prepare to negotiate salary.

-Joe

*this also applies to the ladies.

——

Oh, hi there! I also have something to say:

DINTY MOORE DOESN’T SMELL LIKE SHITS & FARTS! SHITS & FARTS SMELL LIKE DINTY MOORE! THAT’S HOW BAD IT IS!

Here’s what a Dinty Moore can looks like to me:

I’m glad I could answer your question,

Tim

A HOW-TO GUIDE FOR PROMOTING TEENAGER OF THE YEAR:

Step 1) Save this picture to your computer (PC).

Step 2) Print this picture from your computer (PC) on to a piece of paper.

Step 3) Hang this picture in your favorite dorm room/local rock ‘n’ roll club/dive-bar.

Step 4) Explain to your room-mate/band-mate/guy-who-is-beating-you-up what TEENAGER OF THE YEAR is and how cool/rockin’/honky-tonk we are.

You would ask a question like that! “What’s the best food?!?!?!”

Maybe, stick this in your mouth and tell me how it tastes:

Just kiddin’! It’s pizza.

Your hero,

Tim


YO YO YOO Playboy! This is all I eat. Breakfast, lunch and dinner, son!

Collisions, dawg! CO-LIZ-UNNNNNNZ!

-Joe

Yeah, I’d say so. Then again…

-Joe

Play this audio of Johnny Amazing’s Top Gun Theme while viewing the photo slide show (below) to recreate the Teenager of the Year: The Chicago Sketch Comedy Festival 2010 experience!

Audio courtesy of Jon Steinmeier.

Teenager of the Year performing with Johnny Amazing at The Chicago Sketch Comedy Festival 2010.

Photos courtesy of Neil Arsenty.